Sarah Anne Zwirek (spellmyheart) wrote,
Sarah Anne Zwirek
spellmyheart

Losing my Mind

Ugh..it's only Tuesday and it's been a tough week already. Last week, we finished "Fiddler"(thank goodness) and a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders. It is stressful being an understudy, and even more stressful when you don't have much support from those around you. 

I had a great weekend of clearing my head and picturing what I really want out of my life right now..and to be honest, I think the main problem is that I am not sure. I think the one thing I've been missing all year is support, and that sucks to say, but it's true. It's hard to go through the day knowing that no one really gives a shit about anything you do or feel. But I guess that goes back to the whole idea of "Do it for yourself"..and that idea is an extremely lonely thing to me. 

I understand that I am not perfect. I never, ever, ever will be and I never, ever, ever want to be. I fuck up a lot and I can be bitchy, but I think I have a lot to offer once someone really gets to know me...and I don't think anyone has really taken the time to do that. I think my ideas are often misinterpreted at times and that just really bites the big one. But I do have a lot to offer. I'm extremely focused, helpful, and I try to be as kind as I can be. I fuck up a lot though... and I guess that's something people are just now starting to realize. I'm trying to improve, though. But it's hard when I really don't have anyone there. I'm probably sounding so stupid right now, but oh well.. I really don't care. I'm not perfect, and neither are you. But I'm trying and that's all that matters. It has just been a lonely path.

Spring break starts tomorrow. I'm gonna try to hang out with Jas, Ben, Lucas, Derek, and hopefully Caroline. God love her.

Well...I guess that's all. Sorry for all the ranting and raving, but isn't that really what these things are for?

Much love,
Sarah<3
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