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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Sarah Anne Zwirek's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, June 21st, 2006
8:30 am
What Hurts the Most
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let 'em out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most was being
so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do
Tuesday, May 30th, 2006
10:02 pm
I'm taking a break from everyone and everything for a while.
So long!




Ive got you under my skin
Ive got you deep in the heart of me
So deep in my heart, that youre really a part of me
Ive got you under my skin

Ive tried so not to give in
Ive said to myself this affair never will go so well
But why should I try to resist, when baby will I know than well
That Ive got you under my skin

Id sacrifice anything come what might
For the sake of having you near
In spite of a warning voice that comes in the night
And repeats, repeats in my ear

Dont you know you fool, you never can win
Use your mentality, wake up to reality
But each time I do, just the thought of you
Makes me stop before I begin
cause Ive got you under my skin
Wednesday, May 24th, 2006
6:33 am

I'm a sensation.

Sunday, April 30th, 2006
10:38 pm
ew a fly
Well I saw Justin today! Which was AWESOME! I saw him walking to Caste Village and gave him a ride because he looked like he was running away from home lol. Nonetheless, it was great to see him again. I really hope he comes to AIDA.  

I had a great Sunday consisting of Derek Derek and more Derek/ underwear shopping. Wow there is a fly buzzing around me and its fucking pissing me off. 

Anyway, I love Ben. Did you know that? Well now you do.:-)
Our relationship is so weird. I am so grateful for him. You know how people always have those moments that make you remember how life isn't all that bad? Well I had one the other night. Ben and I were sitting in my car waiting for Derek and Julie to come out of "Equus" at CMU and he layed his head on my shoulder and said, "Sarah, I thank God for you". :-) It made me the happiest I've been in a rully long time. It's so amazing to feel love...it's just wonderful. And Ben has stuck by my side through thick and thin and I love him for everything he is. I love everything he does and everything he is. He is just...beautiful and wonderful to me. He is honest, trustworthy, and caring. I would not change a single thing about him. I even love the things I don't like about him! How is that possible you ask? I know I can be open with him about everything and when I say "Ben, I don't like that shirt you big fat jew"(just an example), I know he knows I love him and that I don't mean any harm by what I say. I think it sucks sometimes that you have to WORK at friendships. I wish all my friendships could be like this but I guess that's not possible. I just wish my other friends would know that I won't judge them and that I love each and every one of them for everything they are. I love Derek for everything he is. I love everything about him and I, also, love the things I don't like about him. I think he's absolutely great and beautiful and I think the same thing for Brett. 

Anywho...why do I always get into this deep shtuff? I need to stop!!!

I'm listening to some great music. "Tommy", "The Fully Monty", and "Hair" are my current faves. Why am I into all this rock shit? It's not gonna get me anywhere in this business!! hahaha

leave some comments consisting of sexual favors;-)

<3Sarah



Current Mood: mellow
Saturday, April 22nd, 2006
11:08 pm
I love Ben even more today.
Friday, April 21st, 2006
12:35 am
I love Benjamin Aaron Yahr.
Tuesday, April 18th, 2006
5:57 am
yay!
for my acting class' end of the year project, we are doing a one act play called "Potholes" by Gus Kaikkonen...and last week I emailed Gus, the playwright, with questions and he EMAILED ME BACK!he is also an actor and a director and was in the original production of "Equus" on broadway...so I got to ask him some questions about acting, too.how exciting! here's how it went:

Hi Gus!
My name is Sarah Zwirek and I am a student at the Pittsburgh Highschool
for the Creative and Performing Arts in Pennsylvania.
Currently in my acting class at school, we are working on your play
"Potholes" for our 'end of the year project'. The play itself seems to be
very simple and unique and I am very excited to be participating in it.
What were your intentions by writing this piece and is there anything you
would like the actors and director to keep true to it? What inspired you
to write it? The more I analyze the script, the more I realize that the
text and ideas are very true to real life.
I have also researched that you are also an actor. Do you have any advice
for aspiring actors/ actresses?
If you could please respond, it would be extremely helpful and greatly
appreciated.
Thank you.

Sincerely,
Sarah Zwirek

Sarah,
Thank you for your e-mail. I wrote POTHOLES because, at the time, it
seemed to me, that it was completely impossible to talk to anyone about
anything and be understood. I actually had the conversation at the top of
the play in real life. It was so absurd that I went into another room and
wrote it down--that little conversation inspired the entire play. Please
take your time with that conversation when acting it--don't rush it--let
it happen for the first time--and let each absurdity drop. There was a
little cafe on the corner of 53rd and 8th Avenue, which is where I
imagined the play taking place. It had been a frightening neighborhood
and now it's quite swank. Now that Tom Brokaw is no longer on the news it
might be better to change the first line to "Was Tom Brokaw on the
news..."
Advice to young actors? I'm directing Uncle Vanya at Juilliard right now
and I'll give you the same advice I gave the Juilliard student recently: a
life in the theatre can be a wonderful thing--my life in the theatre is
pretty swell. I started acting as a 12 year old in 1964 and I'm still at
it. But an actor should only pursue a life in the theatre if the actor
has no other choice. If there's anything else the "actor" can do and be
happy, then a life in the theatre is not for him or her. It's as much a
disease as a vocation. If you've no other choice, then you can survive
the inevitable rough patches. I had no other choice and I had a few rough
patches, but for the last twenty years it's been an excellent life.

All the best.

Gus Kaikkonen

 


Monday, April 17th, 2006
10:53 pm
It's been a long time since I've heard the words "I love you". It's time to bring those words back into my life. 

Ben loves me and I love him and that's all that matters. He's enough man for me and he's all I need right now. And it's not the kind of "I love you because I feel like saying it" kind of thing. It's the "I love you for all that you are" kind of thing...and I like that. I think that when you love someone, you love them and you love the things you hate about them and that's the way our friendship is. I know we are going to stay friends for a long time and I know he cares about me...I just KNOW. With some of my friends, I question how much they "love" me or "care" about me....but not with him. I know he loves me. I can just tell. I hope this doesn't sound like I have a crush on him because that is not the case AT ALL lol. I just love him and I love that he loves me. And I thank him for loving me, because it makes waking up each morning so much easier...to know someone actually, truly, really cares about you and loves you unconditionally, no matter how many times you fuck up or how many times you dissapoint. I know he'll always be there for me, and I know I'll always ALWAYS be there for him. There's no way to describe how Ben's friendship makes me feel...he is just so wonderful and I honestly would be lost without him. He deserves the very best. Unfortunately, I don't get to see him very often. Fortunately, there's this thing called text messaging that he and I are getting the hang of. We talk everyday now...and I think we are going to this carnival together on Friday. :-)

From now on, I'm only saying the phrases "I love you", "love you", "love ya", "lub yew", etc. when I TRULY MEAN IT.

Ha. Yay.
I had a good day, I guess.
Breakfast with Jas and city roaming with Derek=fun for me.
Derek is super-cute and super-cool to be with. 
Double yay.

<3Sarah
Wednesday, April 12th, 2006
11:52 pm
i got high with a beautiful man tonight

beautiful.
Tuesday, April 11th, 2006
8:09 pm
Losing my Mind
Ugh..it's only Tuesday and it's been a tough week already. Last week, we finished "Fiddler"(thank goodness) and a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders. It is stressful being an understudy, and even more stressful when you don't have much support from those around you. 

I had a great weekend of clearing my head and picturing what I really want out of my life right now..and to be honest, I think the main problem is that I am not sure. I think the one thing I've been missing all year is support, and that sucks to say, but it's true. It's hard to go through the day knowing that no one really gives a shit about anything you do or feel. But I guess that goes back to the whole idea of "Do it for yourself"..and that idea is an extremely lonely thing to me. 

I understand that I am not perfect. I never, ever, ever will be and I never, ever, ever want to be. I fuck up a lot and I can be bitchy, but I think I have a lot to offer once someone really gets to know me...and I don't think anyone has really taken the time to do that. I think my ideas are often misinterpreted at times and that just really bites the big one. But I do have a lot to offer. I'm extremely focused, helpful, and I try to be as kind as I can be. I fuck up a lot though... and I guess that's something people are just now starting to realize. I'm trying to improve, though. But it's hard when I really don't have anyone there. I'm probably sounding so stupid right now, but oh well.. I really don't care. I'm not perfect, and neither are you. But I'm trying and that's all that matters. It has just been a lonely path.

Spring break starts tomorrow. I'm gonna try to hang out with Jas, Ben, Lucas, Derek, and hopefully Caroline. God love her.

Well...I guess that's all. Sorry for all the ranting and raving, but isn't that really what these things are for?

Much love,
Sarah<3
Sunday, April 2nd, 2006
10:25 pm
i have a little itty bitty crush on someone! but im not saying who so THERE!
:-P
:-) he's a cutie, though.
Thursday, March 30th, 2006
10:00 am
ugh school stinkies
Hey all....currently at el school right now (Brett says el in front of all of his words so...yeah..haha I miss that pumpkin headed boy). I'm skipping health because...well...it generally just sucks.

And one of my worst enemies just walked in the room. Do I really have to name her? She's like....the Zeke to my Teddy.

I don't have rehearsal tonight...praise Budha. But I do have acting with Ingrid...and that's absolutely nothing to dread. I like my acting class a lot. I made up the PSSA's today since I missed a testing day last week. It was so freaking easy. I think I will score really well.

Fiddler is...great. A lot of people have asked, "Why are you doing it, Sarah?"...and all I can say is that it has been such an amazing learning experience
for me.

I'm learning to become very observant and to take in everything that is going on around me. I'm learning how to put myself in the situation of those people in Anatevka...who had to leave the only place they have known their entire lives. A place that they are familiar with. A place where all their love is...a place they call home. And I'm learning to connect with the characters...which is something I haven't really attempted to do much of in the past. Chava is probably the most intriguiging character to me. It breaks my heart when Tevye, her father, tells her he will not accept her for who she is, or who she wants to be. He will not accept who she loves and, therefore, does not accept her. A father....not accepting his own DAUGHTER. That just completely tears my heart in half. But yeah! Haha...I've just been analyzing the story and the text a lot. I'm also realizing why the songs happen. I think sometimes it's random when a song is thrown in, but in Fiddler, it seems to fit well. The moment before always inspires the song. "Miracles of Miracles", for instance, is inspired by Motel's 'miracle' of being accepted into Tzietel's family, because he is so poor. It's so awesome to me to start noticing all these amazing things. It might sound stupid, but, it's like I'm opening my eyes for the first time.

I'm not here to criticize ANYONE...but I think my main problem with Jim C's acting is that he feels that he has to overpower everyone to be a good performer. That is NOT what this is about. Can you just imagine if we all just SCREAMED everything we said like he does? It would be one large headache for the audience. Acting shouldn't be about overpowering people with your voice. A good actor doesn't need to do that. A good actor should feel...and the volume of their voice should express the emotion and text properly. Obviously, projecting your voice is a MUST but shouting all of your lines isn't an intelligent choice for an actor/ actress to make, it's just a ridiculous one. You can make your point come across EASILY without shouting. Try it, Critch Crotch.

I guess I'm a little slow, lol.

SAT's are coming up. I'm taking them at Mt. Lebo. I'm SCARED as hell.

Well...I think that's all for now....

I am so incredibly excited that Ben and I are becoming close again. He's so wonderful and he knows me so well. Hopefully, he and I will do some catching up this weekend.

WILL ANDERSON is also doing such an amazing job as Perchik. He has the character down just right, and it is so cool to see how he's grown as a performer since the first time I met him. His voice is also...just wonderful. And his hair is still incredibly sexy...haha. Love you, William!

Well I'm too tired to type anymore...I was deprived of my coffee this morning and I'm going through withdrawal. HELP! S.O.S. STARBUCKS!

<3Sarah

Current Mood: tired
Wednesday, March 29th, 2006
10:45 pm
god has given you to me!
Rehearsal went extremely well tonight. I was completely focused and I went through my script and analyzed a lot of the text. I'm working extremely hard and it's definitely paying off. I'm learning so much.
Majors was awesome today. Billy and I had a little chit chat for about 45 minutes about the department and how my education at CAPA is going to help me in the long run. He's so wonderful and easy to talk to. He knows so much and his advice really means a lot to me. 
Brett is in Miami for a week. I'm jealous as hell.
I've been really sick the past few days...and extremely tired...but besides that, life is grand. I love when you can distinguish the people who truly care about you from the people who don't. It's been a rough year for me...I mean, my emotions have been krazy(with a k) but I am learning who cares and how to relate to people.
Mindy and I have been becoming close. We relate to eachother a lot and are in similar situations right now, emotion wise. Haha...I sound like a crackhead. Don't judge, please.
Well I'm off.
People who look like pineapples generally piss me off a lot.
Friday, March 24th, 2006
11:55 pm
dont kill yourself...we'll do it for you. you've got a friend.
Fun night. Saw "My One and Only" with Derek. We left during intermission cuz it sucked some major assage. Big let-down right there. 

I get to see my Brett tomorrow! Humps. He and I are ushering a play in South Side and then god only knows. I need some time with that boy...and I really don't care what we do...as long as we see eachother, me be fine.

Confused about a lot right now...I'll work it out, though. I always do! It's just...hard sometimes. And I know this is really stupid of me to say, but I just feel like...no one really is...understanding me right now. I mean...don't get me wrong. I'm a lucky girl...with some kick ass friends..but, I dunno. It's weird. And it's hard to find people to talk to nowadays..who actually understand you and know you and won't judge you. It's damn hard to find that person. We'll see what happens....I'm not really finding success right now, though.

AIDA is pretty fun. I'm actually going to rehearsals now, lol. Fiddler is also going fairly well. I'm praying to god that the two won't conflict in the end. They really shouldn't.

I've been really exhausted lately...and I get to sleep in tomorrow so YAY!

Oh well...leave a comment, if you please.



Current Mood: confused
Friday, March 17th, 2006
10:57 pm
tradition!
Fiddler was a lot of weirdness tonight. The highlight of the rehearsal was getting to run my fingers through Will's amazingly sexy hair. I almost had an orgasm,lol...but shh don't tell! 
We worked with Doug during the second half of majors on our Quantum project. It was really awesome. Zeke should have been the one in the casket though. Right, Theo?
I also discussed with Cammie how Teddy should have been Fruma Sarah. We were ecstatic about that one.
I pretended to masturbate to Rachel Cabin during vocal rehearsal. Ben peed his pants.
Tuesday, March 14th, 2006
10:38 pm
Yay for life
Take a picture, ladies and gents because Sarah A. Zwirek actually had a good day. Fiddler rehearsal went much better than expected and I don't think it will conflict too badly with Aida. Ben and Caroline make me pee my pants. I'm going to have so much fun with them. And Will is so cool...it'll be fun to work with him again.
Jim Critchfield...you sexy hunk of man meat, you!
My first Aida rehearsal is tomorrow. Yay for me! 
Ahh I'm overcome with happiness right now.
My mom's being a big bitch though because I got a poor work notice from Marasco.
Damn Algebra 2.
Yay for life.
Monday, March 13th, 2006
1:30 am
i dont know
i dont know why all of this shit happens to me.
its unexplainable.
im fucking pissed though.
Sunday, March 5th, 2006
11:58 am
Who are you? What have you sacrificed?
I was fortunate enough to witness "Jesus Christ Superstar" last night at the Byham. It was absolutely beautiful. I think that the production, overall, was much better than "Miss Saigon". The vocals were incredible. I wasn't too fond of Emily as Mary Magdalene, though. Was NOT a good role choice for her. Oh well. I got to hang out with Brett a lot yesterday so..that was fun!
Gotta go but I'll write more later!
Thursday, February 2nd, 2006
7:43 pm
It only hurts when I breathe.

Well, what a day. My dad let me sleep in because, once again, I wasn't feeling well. This has been such a bad year, health wise, for me. My kidneys are all fucked up so my doctor gave me an antibiotic for that...which makes me even MORE sick. I've been taking one during majors everyday and it makes me extremely nausiated and dizzy. I also have had a cold all week, but that shit happens,lol.

My birthday was yesterday. I'm seventeen now. I feel a little bit older, to tell the truth. I can see R rated movies now so that's fun! I'll also be getting my license in 23 days which is equally awesome. My parents are giving me my brother's car so I'll be able to drive anywhere anytime I want.

Yesterday was also the first day of the second semester at school. I am in love with my classes. I still have Mrs. Marasco block A for Algebra 2, I have Mr. B for Gym Block B, and I have Ms. Pearlman for PSP English Block C. She's so cool...I like her a lot. Not to mention she's HILLARIOUS.

Brett, Evan, and Liz are in my lunch. Yay!

I had a really bad birthday, but I'm not gonna get into details. It's over and done with. All I have to say is that I love Brett and Lucas for making the day semi-decent,lol. I love you both a lot and thank you so much for the gifts and lovin'!

"All I have to do is forget how much I love him..."

So Aida callbacks were yesterday...and I have NO voice...haha..and I went up to sing "Dance of the Robe"-Nhebka's part, and I was like "shame of the slave to the daaaaance!........(spoken)to the dance."It was so fucking hillarious..everyone died of laughter.

Well....now that I know who my true friends are, I'm gonna go.

Love ya, boos!

:-)

<3me



Current Mood: morose
Thursday, January 26th, 2006
8:55 pm
Watch it GROW!

Hey all. So....saw "Miss Saigon" 4 times within the past two weeks. I dunno....it just happened.

Monday I was really sick and I found out that I have some kind of kidney infection. My back hurts like "wahoo" and I'm not supposed to walk up or down stairs apparently.

After school on Tuesday, I went to Barnes and Noble with Derek and I bought this really good book called "100 Strokes of the Brush Before Bed". It's about this girl who had an affair with a 19 year old when she was 14 and it's just....crazy. I love it though! Then, we went to a preview of "The Exonerated" at the Playhouse. It was pretty good...I liked it a lot. A little confusing though.

Wednesday, I was sick as ALL HELL. I could barely walk to Block A and Steff had to help me around. I was crying my eyes out because of the pain! Miss Vigil wanted me to go home, but I told that bitch that I would suck it up and be a...woman. I also went to Brett and Evan's lunch and Evan was just being completely hillarious. He's seriously one of the funniest people out there. Love ya, Ev! I also met up with Lucas after school for a little at Waterworks. We went to Walmart and picked out some yarn for the scarf I'm knitting him...and we generally just had a lot of fun. Then, Derek showed up and we had dinner at Panera(he actually ate MY dinner) and then we went to JoAnn's for a little and just shopped around.

Thursday, today. I took my Algebra 2 and French 3 finals....they were pretty easy. Miss Evans wouldn't let me pee and I screamed at her that I'm having kidney problems and I went to the bathroom anyway:-). After that, I walked over to the Byham with Katie and Derek and watched the rest of "Saigon". Then, Katie, Derek, Ben, Alison and I all went to Subway. It was fun. Then, I went over Ben's house for a little. It made me realize how much I SEVERELY miss that boy. We used to be so close...I don't know what happened. Wait-yeah I do. Then I met Derek downtown and we went to Starbucks and then acting at CLO with Ingrid. I REALLY like her ALOT. She's so cool...and hillarious...and AMAZING at doing her job. I think she's going to teach me a lot. I'm excited to start class with her!

Tomorrow, I have my physics final(ugh)and then I think I'm going out with Derek in the day and then Brett at night. :-) I miss my Bretty...I CAN'T WAIT to spend some time with him.

The weekend should be fun...I think I wanna see the preview of "Hearts Are Wild" at City Theater on Saturday and then Derek's sleeping over and then SNOWTUBING ON SUNDAY!

:-) :-) :-)

Life is good.

<3me



Current Mood: horny
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